When : Saturday, November 27th from 9.15am, Games commence at 10am

Where : Where We Train

https://goo.gl/maps/w3rF8nxUchoDUXV76

I was leafing through the weekly Astrophysics periodicals, when I came across an article in which Canadian physicist William Unruh proposed that a photodetector accelerated fast enough could in fact detect light in a black hole, a feat which was previously thought impossible.

However, this writer highly doubts if there is a photodetector in existence capable of detecting even a glimmer of hope in the black hole that is shaping up to be the season ahead for the Ba Dinh Buffalos. After such a ludicrous display last time out from the men and women alike, it’s clear that the once sharp and strong horns of these Buffalos have been well and truly dulled through negligence, mis-management and poor leadership. 

Granted that the Buffs are 3rd with the Langurs trailing in 4th, but I don’t think anyone has any doubts about the Langurs inevitably bouncing back with some of the talent at their disposal. The same can’t be said for the ‘Fluffalos’, who we all know were doomed from the start. 

The Herons are currently perched atop the table in their nest of victory with 276.5%. What does this statistic measure? I’ll be damned if I know. 276.5% of the glory? That is statistically impossible, but at this stage we can only speculate. The Crabs (#CrabNation) sit in 2nd with 169.9%, which seems pretty good I suppose. 

Gaelic Football takes center stage this week, which everyone seems very excited about. There was a certain buzz in the air at AFL training on Tuesday that isn’t normally there, possibly because we played Gaelic the for the whole session. This whole tournament is as much about finding out which is the superior sport as anything else and we all need to remember that. Go Sports!

10am – Langurs VS Crabs (Mens)

Despite the result last week, I really like the look of the Langurs this year. While massively understrength, they displayed a level of grit and determination that allowed them to lose with style and grace. Since then, Trung has revealed his cannon of a left foot at training the last 2 weeks, and himself and Paul Villanova could make a formidable partnership up front with Aleks Leitmanis dictating from half-forward. Captains Oisin Carr and Luke Philpott can clearly dominate any midfield opposition. The defence appears nearly impenetrable, with seasoned veteran Francois Kriek, red-hot newcomer Monem Farag, and the Lean Mean Tin Machine anchoring the backline. Blessed with options for goalkeepers in Joel Lane, Daragh Walshe and Alejandro Apache, they all come in with fierce reputations as “rocks between the sticks”. 

With mastermind Mark Tierney pulling the strings, I dare anyone to find a fault within this team, both on a personal and sporting level. 

Onto the Crabs, whose boring yet effective brand of negative football has many pundits concerned about the future of the GAAAFL tournament on a commercial level. With a mixture of athleticism and an almost zombie-like willingness to follow the game plan, they are a formidable outfit. However, their “win at all costs” mentality makes for poor viewing. When asked about a possible change in game-plan for the coming match, captain Tom Lynch simply responded, “Maybe. I’m not sure. I need to ask Kerro”, with co-captain JW occasionally grunting his approval, confirming that he has a vague understanding of what is being said around him. I’m sure they have other players worth mentioning, but with their robotic and one-dimensional style of play, they all look the same to me. 

Langurs flair to come out on top against the cold-blooded Crabs. 

11am – Herons VS Buffalos (Mens)

The Buffs will look to pick up the pieces of their shattered hopes and dreams this week against a strong Herons outfit who caught the Langurs on the hop last time out. With questionable recruitment protocols and brown envelopes to Kerro galore, the Herons have mustered a fine squad in the last few weeks. Just look at some of these standout names; Jason Kane, Jake Norris, James Phillips, John Shoulders, Jordy Johnson. With so many ‘J’s on their team and their signature blue jerseys, I don’t know why they didn’t call themselves the Ba Dinh Bluejays. I’m sure Mick Francis would be more than happy to sell the rights to the name at this stage. 

*Sigh* Alright, let’s talk about the Buffs. Led by Todd Donovan, whose continued absence leads me to wonder whether he even exists, and Ross Earley (winner of the Vietcelts Prettiest Smile Award 2020), it’s hard to see where any beacon of leadership is going to come from. Rumour has it that Callum Maxwell and Neil “Heinomite” Hiney are both vying for the goalkeeper spot, as neither player wants to “run any more effort than is necessary for this shambles of a team”. 

In all my years of sports journalism I have never seen a team as lost as the Ba Dinh Buffalos. Herons to win by loads. 

12pm – Crabs/Buffalos VS Langurs/Herons (Ladies)

The Buffalons beat the Crangurs 41-29 two weeks ago in what was a brilliant game. It will be interesting to see how the Cruffalos and the Langons can come together after playing on opposite teams a fortnight ago. 

Bagel Queen Marah Charnel will once again be a force to be reckoned with, along with Louise O’Brian (giving her an easy Irish name for Gaelic week) and new-comer Norma O’Sullivan, who put on a storming performance last week (I remember how fit I was when I first got to Vietnam, it’s all downhill from here Norma). Proud Donegal woman Maeve Culhane will look to channel her inner Michael Murphy/Geraldine McLaughlin, with experienced Celts Nikki Ware and Eileen Murphy to give a helping hand. 

The Crabs contingent will have to pick up the slack and carry as much of the dead weight of the Buffalos team as they can. A lot of talk about the recent performances of Hannah Gill and Audree Walsh, who are my “Ones To Watch” this week. The one saving grace of the entire Buffalos franchise, women’s captain Elaine Flavin, says that her recent run of form has a lot to do with watching the Langurs men’s team, in particular the junk-in-the-trunk-hunk captain, Oisin Carr. When asked what aspect of his game she admired the most, she replied, “He’s just so dreamy”. Not the answer this reporter was looking for, but I don’t think anyone can argue with it. 

Langons by 5. 

Get down and catch the action from 10am. Players and spectators to arrive from 9.15am. Everyone welcome!