Yesterday, in searing temperatures of 40 degrees, 6 Swans hit the fairways of Melbourne’s Royal Ivanhoe Golf Course.

Barfly Clint, carrying his own clubs on his back, thought the conditions were tough. He argued the Swans should retire after the 9th hole “because it’s too hot!”. Tempting, but not so good for our reputation in Asian Footy as Asia’s Toughest.

It turned out that conditions were so tough that renowned lady killer, Will Martin, wasn’t bothered by any birds (“unheard of”) as they had all sought the sanctuary of the trees. Will later provided more insight when he revealed he was, in fact, a bird killer. Gasp! On a previous trip to the very same Ivanhoe golf course, Will had teed off – and hit a bird, breaking its neck instantly.  

The conditions were so tough that Snags Canty on the 10th hole, at the point of physical exhaustion, had to disappear behind a tree. Just like Chris Mew, he left behinad a plate of, what appeared to be, chicken parmigana. Chris added unecessarily that it was purely a coincidence that the previous night had been “a big one”.

Phil Johns was so tough that, after watching the other hacks delicately tee off with 5 irons, he unleashed a “Soft Woody”. The ball tore into a mature tree and crashed, banged and cracked its way through to the other side before dropping onto the fairway 4 metres short of the green. “Fortune favours the brave”, he advised the bewildered.

While Ricky Ponting’s team was making short work of the Indians at the Boxing Day Test Match, Dave “Quaddy” Kainey was having his own punt on the nags for both himself and half his family. By all accounts, it was a successful day.

Ryan distracted us all when he drove into the car park with a new Cobra sports car similar to that pictured – except his is red and silver. His driving, chipping and putting skills on the course were equally impressive. There was never any serious doubt that he would go on to win the Swans coveted green jacket. Ryan made the conditions look easy.

Back to Ryan’s for the traditional post Swans Golf Day BBQ – but with a difference. Now, Ryan melts cheese over the BBQ’ed eggs. Ladies and gentlemen, do try that amazingly tasty treat at your own BBQ and then forward your “thank yous” directly to Ryan.

Ryan, a sensational day.

Photos and scores to follow.