Following intense pressure from Coach Scotty Stacey in the Swans Control Room, it was decided to reposition one of the Swans Spy Satellites monitoring the Singapore Wombats and Jakarta Bintangs to look for the Lost Laoatian Elephants.

The Elephants, if not their legs, were quickly found grazing at what they describe as Laos’ National Stadium (more grass at that place than at Hanoi’s Dead Cat Stadium. But smaller stands).

From Left to Right are: Matt Hegarty (Honourary ‘phant from Japan), Alex “Ronnie” Barker, Mick “Aker” Hassett, David’s “Pretty” Camp and Marty “Richo” Sharples. These ‘phants claim that missing from the photo are Brian Holford, Grant Follett, Sonny Jim, Will Williamson and Robert Harvey. Everyone else says, Phantom ‘phants.

After being captured on camera by the satellite, it seems that the ‘phants have enjoyed their new found fame. They have since started forwarding unsolicited photos to the Swans Control Room. They argue the concrete elephant eating the footy in the photo is their ruckman.

Students of our great game have noted  that in every photo we have of the ‘phants, no one ever wants the footy! Are they scared of it? Just as there are many packs on the footy oval, these students warn we may be looking at another pack – a pack of posers. “Soft posers!” one gentleman quickly added.

Coach Stacey refused to be drawn on whether he would ever tell an elephant to harden up.