Taber, the man behind the talk, can be seen here vacuuming flies (right arm slightly obscuring left side of screen) at the Swannies' 2005 AFL Grand Final Party, Hanoi

Thursday’s Taber Talk returns with Daryl “DT” Taber to tell us what’ll happen this weekend in the Big One: the 2011 AFL Grand Final.

“Cats Favored To Win Grand Prize!”, D. Taber, 29 September 2011.

Let’s start this week’s preview with a couple of Brownlow Medal reflections. Dane Swan is a very worthy winner of ‘Charlie’ and it adds even another dimension to the epic contest this Saturday afternoon. He’s a real down to earth type but with all the extra attention he’s received this week, will he be able to play his usual high quality game? His performance on Saturday is so important to Collingwood! This will be one battle he will be fighting within himself.

Another Brownlow medallist will be wishing he was still in training with some of his old mates. Gary Ablett will watch the Grand Final lamenting, a little, his decision to leave the ‘Cattery’. After much consideration he left partly because of the great offer at hand, because his relationship with ex-coach Bomber Thompson soured and because he had the opportunity to live and play again with his brother Nathan on the Gold Coast. Since his departure Bomber Thompson also left Geelong and Nathan Ablett has been de-listed. Cam Mooney let it slip, when he recently announced his impending retirement, that a few long-time Cats will also hang up the boots. Perhaps Gary left a year too early?

"Cats are ready to devour Pies", D. Taber.

So let’s get to the epic contest for premiership glory this weekend. After a mere appetite-building work out last week, the Cats are ready to devour the Pies. Recent form says the Cats will win. The last 10 matches between these two highlights the Cats’ dominance over the Pies. They have an impressive 7-3 record including two wins this year, the last one being a thrashing only four weeks ago.

Collingwood’s game is based first and foremost on defence. Most often when they attack from defence they strategically go around the boundary. Tarrant and his band of quality defenders will hold their ground tenaciously in an attempt to keep the Big Cats to a low score. The Collingwood forwards need to do more and cannot rely on midfielders such as Ball to kick them over the line. Last week, against an undermanned Hawk outfit, the Pies only had five goals to three-quarter time. The Cats, on the other hand, got off to a ‘Flyer’ and had three goals on the board in eight minutes. They play a faster, more attacking style through the middle. I fancy Geelong will again get the jump on their opponents and the Pies will be unable to find enough inner strength and endurance to keep up.

American Pies in Arizona

In normal circumstances I would have favoured the tougher preparation Collingwood has had during the finals series. However, the Magpies have more injuries to key players and as the 2011 Brownlow medallist himself said on Monday night, Collingwood have been below their best these past few weeks.  Geelong has had the luxury of resting players throughout, modelled on the very way Collingwood did it just last year. This season, every Geelong player has had a rest on top of the two byes. Collingwood has great faith in their players’ fitness claiming they have the world’s best conditioning coach. And again this year they have had a few more trips to Arizona.

The Collingwood forward duo of Dawes and Cloke have been far more consistent than the Cats’ main targets this year but it usually gets back to how well the ball is delivered. Last week the two powerhouse Pies were solid when it mattered most. Podsiadly and Hawkins are also leading strongly and marking well. They create enough of a contest to bring the ball to ground. Podsiadly regularly delights in crashing heavily into opposition defenders. Actually, he’s been guilty of friendly fire at times too. The Pies’ forward line struggled at times last week and keep in mind Harry Taylor has a very good record on Cloke. Malthouse’s men got over the line on the back of goals from the ‘swingman’ Davis, Swan and Ball. It will be even tougher this week for the Collingwood forwards against a better defence led by the ever reliable Scarlett.

Collingwood also has the better midfield although the Cats are running into form at the right time. Jolly’s fitness is the big concern for Collingwood. It will be in their minds how unsuccessful the West Coast gamble on Dean Cox was just last week. If the experienced Jolly doesn’t play, Geelong have the vital advantage of first use of the ball at stoppages. Last week, Geelong’s very experienced main ruckman, Brad  Ottens, checked-out of the Preliminary Final early to soothe his body, leaving a confident young West alone but jumping out of his skin. West impressed last week with his marking and his ground coverage. He has been tutored at Geelong for six years, yet, has played just twenty games.

Taber's Tip: Premiership and Norm Smith Medallions for the Cattery's Joel Selwood.

The Cats have had all week to examine how the Hawks came ever so close to beating the Pies by playing man on man and pressuring them at every contest. The Magpies played with much less system and as a result, uncharacteristically, reliable types like Pendlebury and Harry O’Brien were lacking their usual trademark poise. The very brave Maxwell is yet to return to his best after his thumb injury and Beams, Thomas and Didak were well below par last week. The one positive Collingwood can take from all this is they have plenty of room for improvement.

I’m tipping the Cats to get off to a great start and win comfortably. The Norm Smith Medal just may well go to Joel Selwood.

Swannies’ Grand Final Parties in Hanoi and Saigon

I’m very envious of all the great Swannies supporters that will be enjoying the magnificent Grand Final functions in Ho Chi Minh and Hanoi. Wherever else you may be, enjoy.

“It’s not my intention here just to bag umpires…”, D. Taber, 29 September 2011.

A lot of us see our game as being the greatest. But there are some aspects that are very frustrating. The list below contains what annoys me about the AFL. It is not my intention here just to bag umpires as they are only applying the rules as determined by the AFL Rules Committee.

Aker annoys Taber.

Please feel free to make comment on these and/or add your own to the list?

  • Let’s start with the old chestnut, ‘Holding the Ball’. Have you noticed that lately the interpretation has changed ever so slightly? Now, sometimes, when the ball is knocked clear in the contest it’s called play on rather than incorrect disposal.
  • We had a 36 minute final quarter two weeks ago. Why? Not because of too many injuries or goals it seems. The AFL are saying the ball went out of bounds too often! They are now considering, again, reducing the amount of time played.
  • Some TV networks have the countdown clock and some don’t.
  • Jason Akermanis
  • The ‘play on to advantage’ rule does not always reward the team who gets the free kick. Often a teammate hastily decides to play on and often causes a turnover. It can turn cheers to tears.
  • Resting a forward after he kicks a goal? Recently the Swans coaching panel decided to move Mumford into attack to resurrect the Swans forward line and immediately it worked. He goaled. Then he came off?  In the past we’d often see a player score two or even three goals in a few minutes. Hard to do when you’re sitting on the pine!
  • Interchange rule. Some players are penalised for a single step on the field then decide, “Oops, no, not yet and step back. Play on the field is not affected at all yet it’s a free kick AND a 50m penalty! It’s a bit harsh I reckon. Similarly, when the weary player exits the interchange gate a centimetre the wrong side of the line.

It’s Time. Time to Tell Taber!

Taber has controversially finished his column with a wild spray against umpires, the AFL’s Rules Committee – and even poor ol’ Aker. But, arguably, even more controversial is the fact that Taber hasn’t prepared his own footy poll this week for the punters.

[polldaddy poll=5542357]

"Oh Daryl! Won't you do just one more of your footy polls?"